So I actually wrote out a “Giving Up Plan” (and not in the "unaliving" way so calm your overreacting t!ts)
But I’m 36 years old and I feel like it’s time to strip myself of everything I believe, what I thought I should be, what i should want to be, what I have, etc…
The universe knew what I needed, 18 months ago I decided to live by myself for the first time ever in life (after getting married young and having a child, I never got the opportunity) and I’m now realizing that nobody needed to be around for this part…it’s been ugly, still is…
I have never doubted myself more in life…and friends/family try to encourage me by telling me I’m talented and what not…but talent is a skill, not who I am…I’ve been told that my whole life and honestly idc about all the things I can do. I know people mean well, but empty encouraging words are just that…words…
I’m at a standstill in my life…with everything…All I have right now is me (and of course my daughter, but this isn’t about being a mother)…it’s about me…its about healing me and I feel like that healing is linked to my inner child.
In healing, you also have to let go of how other people observe you. More importantly, how do you observe you? How do you see you? How do you love you? Those views of yourself have much more weight than others.
One would assume that self-love is something that once you "find it", it always stays. The older I get and the more I look back on my life, at 36 years old I am realizing that self-love can also be unlearned in a way.
I’ve created a tool for myself that I want to share with you all as we approach the New Year 2023. An interactive 6-month Self-Love Journal. Something to keep me on track and it may help you as well.
On this journey, it is my hope to help others that may feel like they are in need of speaking to and healing that inner child. There will be a lot of tears, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy right?
As i began to take steps toward healing my inner child, I realized that sometimes you need a plan...and that can just be a matter of writing things down while crying it out, speaking to a therapist, etc...but the unfortunate pain of healing can be so therapeutic.
I saw a video on TikTok by a woman named Kelly Kay and she said something that hit me so deeply:
“The pinnacle of Self-Love is not endless ecstasy…it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life your unloved self built…brick by unworthy brick…”
So join me as I take this journey to tear down the tough shells and walls that have been built by trauma, my past, family, religion, and every other tough thing that has led me away from that beautiful little girl in the picture.